When I told my husband today's prompt he said I'd be an American Chestnut because "it smells like sperm". Great.
I disagree. I do NOT smell like sperm. I smell stale and tired. So maybe old sperm? I digress.
If I was a tree, I'd be the hackberry tree. It's not very appealing to hear that title... HACKberry. It's also described as "one hardy tree".
According to https://www.arborday.org/trees/treeguide/TreeDetail.cfm?ItemID=845
- Features leaves shaped like spearheads, approximately 2–4" and 1½–2" wide, arranged alternately along the twigs. Small teeth edge at least the upper half of the leaf [I do have small, razor-like teeth]
- Produces small, dark red drupes about 1/3" in diameter that turn dark purple as they mature in mid-autumn. These berry-like fruit persist into the winter [berries equal either my zits or a hemorrhoid]
- Develops a broad crown with arching branches [broad crown = broad forehead]
- Forms characteristic corky ridges and warts on trunk and branches [need I say more]
- Tolerates strong winds, pollution, heat, drought and salt [yup, I do]
- Grows in a rounded, vase-like shape [hahahaha]
- Has a growth pattern that resembles the elm--without the susceptibility to disease [well, that's good news]