Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Bloganuary Day #30 Prompt: “Describe yourself as a tree.”

When I told my husband today's prompt he said I'd be an American Chestnut because "it smells like sperm". Great.

I disagree. I do NOT smell like sperm. I smell stale and tired. So maybe old sperm? I digress.

If I was a tree, I'd be the hackberry tree. It's not very appealing to hear that title... HACKberry. It's also described as "one hardy tree".

According to https://www.arborday.org/trees/treeguide/TreeDetail.cfm?ItemID=845

This tree:

  • Features leaves shaped like spearheads, approximately 2–4" and 1½–2" wide, arranged alternately along the twigs. Small teeth edge at least the upper half of the leaf [I do have small, razor-like teeth]
  • Produces small, dark red drupes about 1/3" in diameter that turn dark purple as they mature in mid-autumn. These berry-like fruit persist into the winter [berries equal either my zits or a hemorrhoid]
  • Develops a broad crown with arching branches [broad crown = broad forehead]
  • Forms characteristic corky ridges and warts on trunk and branches [need I say more]
  • Tolerates strong winds, pollution, heat, drought and salt [yup, I do]
  • Grows in a rounded, vase-like shape [hahahaha]
  • Has a growth pattern that resembles the elm--without the susceptibility to disease [well, that's good news]

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