Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Teacher or Nurse?

I am going to propose various scenarios, situations, “rules of thumb” and other anecdotes and it’s up to YOU, the listener, to decide if these are commonplace with nurses… or teachers. Now, when I say teachers, I mean elementary, middle and/or high school. I am not discussing teachers, professors, of so-called “higher” education. 

  • Appreciation gifts include edible arrangements, donuts and cookies
  • If administration gifts lunch, it is pizza or generic sandwiches with only one vegan/vegetarian option
  • Tokens of appreciation during your “week” include: tote bag with facility emblazoned on it, water bottle that isn’t dishwasher safe, lidded cup with straw that isn’t dishwasher safe (both with company logo or name), duffel bag that breaks within two or three uses, donuts or pizza. 
  • When catastrophe strikes like, say OH I DON’T KNOW, a pandemic… expectations of your capabilities rise, like being in two places at once, attending meetings sooner than your shift would even start or after your shift ends, making sure your spiritual needs are met at home, but you have to stay on call to answer emails or texts at all hours, annoying emails about your personal well being and how you need to take care of it, then forwarding an irate person to your inbox to help “de escalate the situation”, inquiring why you weren’t available during that required Zoom meeting during your shift, but don’t forget… “HEROS work HERE!”... don’t ask for a raise during these “unprecedented times”, community fundraisers to help your facility but you never see a drop of that money, and this year “WE’RE GETTING ANOTHER TOTE BAG TO RECOGNIZE ALL THE HARD WORK YOU’VE DONE DURING THE PANDEMIC!”
  • Why aren’t you appreciative of all this recognition and accolades? You should receive intrinsic satisfaction from helping your community. Bitch, show me the MONEY! Nobody wants to do anything for free so why should we?
  • Irate family members, stressed (as we all are) and taking their frustrations out on you as if you have control of the entire facility, policies and parking regulations. What? Do you need to take care of someone else? How dare you…. I am the most important parent/family member IN THE WORLD. 
  • When you give your seasoned opinion on a difficult matter, they ignore you because it’s not ethical, or company policy, or “something we do here”... then it blows up in the administrations’ face and they use you as a scapegoat and throw you under the bus, “Why did you not communicate with us about this problem?”
  • Sending you 100+ emails a day and expecting you to comb through each one for important times, dates and information. Then becoming irate when you’re actually doing your job during that special time and date… see “Why weren’t you at that required Zoom meeting?” 
  • You have had to become a parking ninja because they don’t allow overworked staff to park anywhere near the facility. Walking, busing and hitchhiking are allowed, but paying for your own parking OR parking in a restricted lot reserved for people who MAKE WAY MORE THAN YOU and do WAY LESS THAN YOU is punishable by death. Or worse… more emails. 
  • After work, the bars are full of them. 
  • Before work, the Starbucks are full of them. 
  • Really have a thing for nurses. 
  • Really have a thing for teachers. 
  • Correct everything you try to do that has anything to do with their career: “Well, in my experience,” or “are you sure you want to do it that way? Here… let me show you the RIGHT way”. 
  • Or if they don’t feel like helping at the moment, *shrug* “I don’t know, I’ve never done that before”. Bologna. 
  • If they have a busy, but predictable and steady day, “What a great day! I got a lot done, I felt like a real *insert profession here*!”
  • If they have a busy, but unpredictable and chaotic day, “Why did I get my degree in *insert profession here*. I should’ve been an air traffic controller. Or a sniper. Or an assassin. I could do that, easy.”
  • Forgets all their unhealthy snacks at home, dies at work. 
  • Packs only healthy snacks, thinking that today is different, I will actually want to eat almonds and apples all day, dies at work. 
  • Pizza or donuts served in breakroom, but they brought their lunch. Dies at work, only on the inside, eats 4 donuts and 2 slices of pizza. Then, dies at work. 
  • “Does anyone have Advil? Oh god… Tylenol? I’ll just deal with it”. 
  • “Can you watch my *insert population served*. I need to poop.” Comes back in 5 minutes, “False alarm. Just farts”. 
  • Risks the next urge to poop, pushes a fart… poops in pants (one profession has extra pants on tap, the other has to throw away their underwear and go commando in their jeans the rest of the day... )
  • Colleagues group text chat annoys you with it’s constant alerts. You ask to be removed, are removed, then are jealous when everyone does things after work without you. 
  • After taking a long hiatus from work for vacation or what have you, you’re eager to go back. Once you’re back, you’re instantly back to previous “worn down” level and can’t wait for your next hiatus. 

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